


Hold me together, I'm falling apart

by MonPetitTresor



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec Lightwood Loves Magnus Bane, Caretaking, Consensual Kink, Light daddy kink, M/M, Magnus Bane Loves Alec Lightwood, Magnus will give them to him, Non-Sexual Bondage, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Pet Names, Praise Kink, Protective Magnus Bane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-04
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2020-07-31 09:24:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20112835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MonPetitTresor/pseuds/MonPetitTresor
Summary: When the pressure of the job gets to be too much, Alec falls back on the one person he knows he can always rely on to take care of him.





	Hold me together, I'm falling apart

**Author's Note:**

> So I know not everyone may agree with this, but I just wanted a little something that shows that intimacy and kink, a tiny bit of bondage, and that it doesn't always have to involve sex. It doesn't always end in orgasms. I hope you guys enjoyed this - let me know what you think!

By the time the day was only half done, Alec was more than ready to throw it all down and go straight back home. He thought of the sleep-ruffled, gorgeous warlock he’d left lying in bed this morning. It wouldn’t be too hard to coax Magnus back there with him, though he would’ve long been up by now. One hint that this was what Alec wanted and Magnus would happily go back there with him. Then they could curl up together under those soft sheets of his and just, shut out the world for a little while.

Alec sighed and ran a hand over his face. As nice as that fantasy was, it wasn’t really possible at the moment. He had a stack of paper in his inbox that needed to be finished, an afternoon video conference with the Inquisitor about some of the new policies he was trying to push through, and after that was a meeting with Luke about some issues that had cropped up between his pack and a recent patrol group. After _that_, there was still training with a group of newbies, which was never all that fun. Usually, Alec had Isabelle take care of that for him. She was good at whipping newbies into shape. She was also pretty good at finding those that were prejudiced or racist or anything like that.

When Alec did it, he found himself facing up against a lot of young _kids_ who either thought they could prove something with him or who assumed they were better than the _gay Shadowhunter_. But Isabelle was just as tired as Alec was, and he'd given her the night off. He could deal with bratty newbies for one evening.

Even so, just thinking about all those things was enough to have a stress headache creeping up Alec’s neck and through his temples. He rested his elbows on his desk and took a moment to rub at his temples. It wouldn’t have been all that bad if it were just today that had been like this. But it seemed like the past two weeks had been nonstop meetings, conference calls, trips to speak to other Institute Heads in an effort to help implement better Downworlder-Shadowhunter relations all around the globe, and then extra demon attacks on top of it.

Alec was just – he was _tired_.

No, more than that. He was exhausted. What little time he’d had to see Magnus lately – between Alec’s work and Magnus’ job as High Warlock – hadn’t been much. A quick shared meal here and there, maybe some time to cuddle together or fool around before bed if they weren’t too exhausted. All too often one or the other had to get up early and leave, too, meaning that they often woke up alone. Today had been a rare exception. And that was only because Magnus had today and the next day off. “Barring any world-ending emergencies, no one is to contact me,” he’d told Alec last night.

Time off. Didn’t that sound amazing? Time to relax. Catch up on some sleep, maybe read a book, or curl up with Magnus on the couch. Magnus would tug him down, maybe play with his hair a little. He’d make sure Alec ate when he was supposed to, and that it was something good for him, not just something fast. Maybe he’d even nudge him toward a bath and put in one of those bath bombs, and that special shampoo…

Well, shit. Alec dropped his hands and blinked his eyes a few times as he realized where his thoughts had drifted. That wasn’t just a quiet evening in that he’d been thinking of. That was a very specific type of evening in. One that they hadn’t indulged in for quite some time.

Before he could stop to think about what he was doing, he’d pulled his phone out of his pocket and opened up his text messages. Alec hesitated just a moment, then, unsure. His temples gave another throb as if in warning, and Alec quickly typed out one single word. Then, not giving himself time to change his mind or chicken out, he hit send.

_Purple – AL_

It was just a simple word. One that no one would really think anything strange about. If someone looked at his messages they might wonder why on earth Alec was texting Magnus a color. But they wouldn’t _know_ anything. Only he and Magnus understood what it meant.

Magnus proved that by texting him back not even a full minute later, asking:

_What time should you be done tonight, darling? – MB_

_Probably not until 6 or 7 – AL_

_I’ll have dinner ready by six. I love you – MB_

_Love you too – AL_

And that was it. That was all it took. Alec looked down at those short, few messages, and it was like he could feel some of his tension draining away already.

The two of them hadn’t been together long when Magnus realized just how hard of a time Alec had asking for help, or any kind of care, really. Nor did he seem to expect anyone to give it to him. _He_ was great at giving it to others; caring for people was just something that Alec had always done. But getting it in return? No one had ever done that. Not until Magnus.

It’d been Magnus’ idea to set up the code words. Of course. After quite a lot of talking and sharing, first, on both sides. The two of them had laid out their needs in a blunt conversation that had left Alec mortified and unable to look Magnus in the face. But, despite how embarrassing it’d been, it’d worked out for them in the long run. Now, neither one of them had to specifically state their needs unless they wanted to. All Alec had to do was text one of their pre-chosen words, and his partner knew exactly what it was he needed. It worked in reverse, too, with Magnus sometimes sending Alec one of those words, and Alec would be the one preparing for the night.

Texting Magnus his color meant that Alec had taken his night and put it in the hands of someone that he loved and trusted. Someone he knew would give him exactly what he needed.

That knowledge gave Alec the strength to take a deep breath and reach for the stack of papers. If he were lucky, he could get half done before his talk with the Inquisitor.

* * *

By the time six o’clock rolled around, Alec was dragging once more. Every step he took felt like he was dragging his feet. Salvation lay just ahead. All Alec had to do was get from the elevator to the front door of the loft and he’d be _home_.

Alec was barely halfway there when the door opened. The sight of the man standing there was enough to bring a small, tired smile to his lips. Home wasn’t a place. It was right there in the arms of the most gorgeous man he’d ever laid eyes on. Magnus was clearly dressed down for the evening. He had on silk pajama pants and an open robe, and his makeup was light, just barely there.

He was smiling at Alec like the exhausted Shadowhunter was the only thing worth seeing in the world. “_There’s _my beautiful boy! I was beginning to worry you weren’t going to make it.”

“Got a little caught up on my way out the door,” Alec mumbled.

Magnus already had his hands out by the time Alec reached him. He didn’t hesitate to catch Alec’s hands and use them to pull him inside, already fussing over him. “Oh, look at you. You poor thing. You’re completely exhausted. Get in here, let me look at you.”

In short order, Magnus had Alec inside, the loft door shut and locked, and he was stripping Alec out of his weapons and jacket, checking him over as he went.

Alec couldn’t help but smile at him. “’m fine.”

“Let me be the judge of that,” Magnus scolded him. He straightened up, running his hands over Alec’s chest and up to his shoulders, and clicked his tongue. “Come on – dinner can wait. Let’s get you into a bath first. You’re more knots than muscle right now.”

It was so easy for Alec to just give himself over to Magnus’ hands. He didn’t have to do anything except follow that gentle yet firm touch as Magnus drew him down the hall and into the master bathroom. A snap of the fingers had the tub full of water. Then Magnus was nudging him down, sitting Alec on the bench against the wall, and he was squatting in front of Alec’s feet to untie his boots. The fact that he was doing it by hand instead of just using his magic had Alec squirming a little in his seat. “You don’t have to…”

“Hush,” Magnus interjected gently. He finished the laces on the left boot and tugged it off, flashing a smile up at Alec as he did. “I want to. Let me take care of you, angel.”

Another of those knots in Alec unraveled at that. He slumped a little against the wall and let his eyes close.

Magnus was gentle as he divested Alec of his boots and socks and then pulled him up to shed the rest. Yet at the same time, his hands were strong, steady, bracing Alec up so that he wouldn’t fall when he climbed into the tub.

Sinking down into the hot water had Alec groaning unabashedly. Magnus guided him down, one hand going to cup the back of his head and steer him back to the soft pillow attached to the lip of the tub. “There we are, _cariño_. That’s it.” He got Alec’s head settled and then drew his hand away, only to stroke it across Alec’s forehead, chasing away some of the hair that had fallen there. “You just soak here for a minute while I get things together, hm? I’ll be right back.”

“Mmm.”

Losing himself in the warmth of the bathwater and the soft scent of apples and cinnamon that drifted up from the water was easy. Here, Alec didn’t _have_ to worry about anything. The minute he’d walked through the doors of the loft he was able to shed more than just his clothes. He shed the mantle of Shadowhunter, of Head of the Institute, and just became _Alexander_. That was all Magnus wanted or needed from him. He didn’t expect Alec to do anything except be himself, and listen.

There were some days that Alec wasn’t quite sure _how_ to be himself. Or even who _he_ was. But that was okay, too. On those days he could just listen, and Magnus would take care of the rest.

Soft footsteps warned of his return. Alec tilted his head and let his eyes drift open to slits. Just enough to be able to watch Magnus walk up to him with a basket in one hand and a stool in the other. The stool was set down alongside the tub, close to Alec’s head, and the basket went beside it. When Magnus sat down on the stool, it left him in just the right spot to be able to reach most of Alec, yet still allow Alec to see him. Sometimes that helped. Knowing he was there was one thing. Seeing him was something else.

None of it beat _feeling_ him, though. There was no better sensation than Magnus’ hands on him. Especially when he pulled out one of the really soft cloths from his basket, plus a bottle of body wash, and proceeded to wash Alec from head to toe. There wasn’t a single part of Alec that he missed. Every inch of him was cleaned. Magnus hummed as he did; a soothing melody that Alec didn’t know, but that he recognized from moments like this. When their roles were reversed, Magnus liked for Alec to talk, to give him something to ground on. Alec liked the quiet. The steady comfort that came from silence and just the presence of Magnus.

Once Alec’s body was clean, Magnus moved basket and stool both to Alec’s head and went to work on his hair. Alec could’ve purred in contentment at those talented fingers tugging away at his locks.

He must’ve made some sound. Magnus gave a low chuckle behind him. His hands never stopped moving, though.

When it came time to rinse, Alec shifted a little, trying to push his head back up towards Magnus’ hand. It got him another chuckle and a light tap against his forehead. “Be still, sweet one.” His hand curved over Alec’s forehead then to keep water from spilling down onto his face.

Alec felt like he was boneless by the time they were done. His legs wobbled just a little when Magnus drew him up out of the tub. “Steady now,” Magnus murmured, catching Alec around the waist. He didn’t seem to mind at all that it was getting him wet. “That’s it, there we are. You’re doing so well. You’re being so good for me, _sayang_.”

The words rolled through Alec like a hot drink on a cold winter day. He closed his eyes and shivered under the little thrill it gave him. No one _ever_ told him he was good.

Magnus used their softest towels to dry Alec off from head to toe. He even took a moment to run it through his hair, the both of them laughing a little when it made Alec’s hair stand up even more than normal.

Once Alec was dry, the two headed out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. The sight of what was waiting for them was enough to have Alec sucking in a sharp breath. There was a pair of dark blue boyshorts, with just a hint of lace on the trim, a pair of sweatpants, and a collar with attached restraints. Alec tried not to let himself whimper when he saw them.

Either he hadn’t quite succeeded, or Magnus was able to read the want clearly on his face. His partner’s smile gentled a little more, and he brought one hand up to stroke over Alec’s cheek. “Shh. Just a minute more and we’ll get you settled, Alexander. You’ve done so well for me so far. Just wait a moment more.”

Magnus took care of dressing Alec the same way he’d take over everything else since Alec had walked in the door. All Alec had to do was brace on Magnus’ shoulders and lift his feet, one at a time, as Magnus helped him first into the boyshorts, and then into his sweats. His hands were steady when he helped adjust Alec comfortably in them. There was nothing sexual to the touch; just a simple and easy adjustment. Then he drew his hand out and made sure the waistband was settled just right.

Next came the part that Alec was waiting for. Magnus picked up the pile of leather and brought it over. Alec already had his hands behind his back and his head tipped up. Magnus smiled when he saw. “Look at you, already ready for me.” He stepped up in front of Alec and reached around behind him, draping most of the leather down Alec’s back. Only part of it was brought up to the back of Alec’s neck. The soft lining felt amazing against Alec’s neck as Magnus drew the two bits around to the front. He nudged Alec’s chin up a little more to better be able to see what he was doing.

Feeling the collar tighten around his neck, Alec shivered again, yet he held perfectly still, only lowering his chin when Magnus tapped at it. “How does that feel, Alexander. Too tight?”

Alec moved his head a few times, then deliberately swallowed. When he only felt the same pressure, he shook his head and smiled.

Magnus beamed back at him. “Good, good. Let’s get the rest of this hooked up then, shall we? Once we do, I have some amazing little sampler tray I picked up for us from one of my favorite restaurants in Los Angeles. I made sure to get some fresh fruit, too – I know how much you like it. They even had some new ones I don’t think you’ve tried yet.”

The whole time that Magnus spoke, he was moving around behind Alec, carefully laying the long strip of leather down Alec’s spine before he started to work on the various straps. One strap went around Alec’s chest, with a cuff on either side for his biceps. Then there were two cuffs attached to the bottom of the spine strip, and Alec’s wrists were drawn up and hooked into those, one above the other. All of it left Alec’s arms feeling completely restrained behind him. Out of his control. And because Magnus was the one to obtain these for them, they were more than just simple leather. Magic had been placed in them to not only make sure that even Alec’s Shadowhunter strength wouldn’t be able to break them, but to also monitor the condition of Alec’s arms.

Not that Magnus wouldn’t check in on his own. He just liked the added safety measure of knowing that if he happened to miss something, the spell on the cuffs wouldn’t, and they’d release at the first sign of real trouble.

Coming home and giving himself over to Magnus’ hands had already done so much for Alec. It’d taken him out of his head. More so during the bath. But the collar and cuffs? Those settled that nervous skittering underneath his skin that he’d gotten so used to he’d barely noticed it was there anymore. Not until it faded away. Relaxed, at ease for the first time in who knew how long, and secure in the knowledge he was _safe_, Alec let out a heavy sigh that seemed to take the last of his tension with it.

Magnus was smiling still when he stepped back around in front of Alec. His hands smoothed over Alec’s chest and around his shoulders. “Much better.” Reaching up, he cupped Alec’s face and drew him in for a soft, sweet kiss that was almost chaste. When he drew back, he dropped his hands away from Alec’s face. One of them didn’t go far, though. It lowered only enough to be able to hook the ring on the front of the collar. “Let’s go get you fed, darling. I have a feeling you’ve probably had far less food than you should today. And while we do, I want you to keep silent the way you have been, unless you need to use your colors. How does that sound?”

A happy shiver ran down Alec’s spine. “Perfect. Thank you, _ayah_.”

Alec hadn’t intended to use that last word. It was still sort of new to them. A dynamic they had talked about a little but hadn’t fully explored. _Ayah – _Daddy, in Magnus’ mother tongue. A kink that Magnus had been unashamed to admit to and Alec had been willing to try. He hadn’t been quite sure that it would be one that worked for him. While he admitted the word _Daddy_ had slipped into his brain a time or two when they were together, he wasn’t sure that _Ayah_ would work the same for him. Yet it’d slipped past Alec’s lips now like it was the most natural thing in the world.

He saw the shiver run down Magnus’ spine. Then his lover was casting a heated look over his shoulder. “Oh, you _are_ in the mood to be a sweetheart tonight, aren’t you?” He drew Alec up to the couch and then helped to brace him so that Alec could smoothly sink down to his knees on the plush carpet that hadn’t been there this morning. Magnus made sure Alec was settled before he sat himself on the couch right beside him. He curled a hand over Alec’s cheek and stole another kiss once he was seated. “How did I get so lucky to have such a sweet, wonderful boy, hm?”

The words had Alec squirming just a little. Most likely that was why Magnus had told Alec to stay quiet. Not just because he’d seen it was what Alec needed, but because he knew Alec still wasn’t the best at accepting praise no matter how much he liked hearing it. From the sounds of it, it was going to be one of those nights where Magnus was going to lavish him with it.

A wave and a snap brought a tray of food over to the cushions on Magnus’ other side. Magus ran his hand through Alec’s still damp hair and then tapped at his nose. “Now, let’s get something in your stomach.”

* * *

Watching Alec on his knees was something that Magnus doubted he’d ever get tired of. It was one of the quickest ways to get him calm. To start quieting the voices in his head that he’d once confessed to Magnus wouldn’t leave him alone. He’d whispered it in the darkness of their bed when the two had been too wired to sleep and too exhausted to get up. There, with no one to see and no one to hear, Alec had spoken in a soft, broken whisper, telling Magnus about the darkness in his head. “It’s not… it’s not all the time. Just, sometimes, you know? It’s, uh, it’s like, all those bad things that people ever said, my brain just… just brings them back up. Until I can’t. I can’t think around it.”

It’d taken a long time for Magnus to convince Alec that night that he wasn’t _crazy_. Longer still for Magnus to get past the burning rage inside that demanded he go out and lay waste to everyone who had ever made his beautiful nephilim feel like he was _less_.

Once, back at the start of all this, it would’ve taken getting Alec to his knees to start quieting those voices. To get him to _relax_. Now? The simple act of texting his color to Magnus had started the process so that by the time he fell through the door and into Magnus’ arms, he was already halfway down. The quiet of the bath had sent him even further. But it was the cuffs that had finished the job.

Now Alec was kneeling there beside him with his spine straight, chin up, and a slightly glassy look to his eyes that was a testament to just how far gone he was. None of the day’s – weeks, months – worries were on his shoulders. He was just Alexander. Magnus’ sweet, beautiful boy. There was nothing else he wanted to be right then.

For the bath, Magnus had kept quiet, simply humming an old lullaby he knew Alec found soothing. That helped to get Alec settled. But now, as Magnus picked up bite-sized pieces of the light cucumber sandwiches or small bits of fruit, he let the words inside come flowing past his lips.

“So beautiful,” Magnus told him, running a knuckle over Alec’s cheekbones. “My smart, sweet boy. I’m so proud of you for messaging me today. You recognized what you needed, and you asked for it.” Once, that would’ve been so much harder for Alec, if not impossible. He’d come such a long way from the terrified, closeted, hidden boy that he’d once been. “You let me know what you needed instead of trying to do it all on your own.” Magnus bent his head down and pressed a kiss to each cheek, then over his eyes, finally giving him one last one on those smiling lips. “_Mi cielo_.”

It was so much fun to pull out the various pet names that Magnus knew from different languages. He liked to watch the blush that would color Alec’s cheeks, or the shy smile that he’d sometimes get when he really liked one of them.

Eventually, the food was gone, and Alec was starting to slump just the slightest bit. A quick tingle of magic made sure that Alec’s knees and arms weren’t getting too sore. Not that they really needed it. Alec’s body was so relaxed it was going to be interesting getting him up off the floor and back to the bedroom.

Just looking at him like this made Magnus’ heart swell with the love he felt. Alec followed the light tug of Magnus’ fingers in his hair, shuffling on his knees until he moved into the open space created as Magnus spread his own legs. He helped Alec to settle between them, and then drew his partner’s head to the side, letting Alec rest his cheek against Magnus’ thigh. Alec was _gone_. His eyes were glassy, and there was a smile on his lips. It was a look that Magnus guarded jealously. No one but him ever got to see his Alexander like this.

Soon they’d get up, and Magnus would take Alec back to the bedroom to get him some of the sleep that he’d been missing out on lately. He’d unhook the collar and armbands, and if Alec still felt the need for some kind of restraint, he could pull out the special soft cuffs from the nightstand drawer. They were Alec’s favorite pair; soft on the inside, yet sturdy. Able to be worn loose or hooked together. Sometimes when he felt out of control they were enough to help him settle. Other times, they’d hook into the ring at the top of the bed, and they didn’t leave any marks to heal the next morning.

All of that was for later, though. For now, Magnus was more than happy to sit there with music playing softly in the background, the lights dimmed down low, and a soft, happy Alexander kneeling between his legs.


End file.
